January 10, 2012

Do These Pants Make My Rear Look Big?

I often illustrate the differences between intra-sex friendships by saying, "Men don't call just to talk."

Women use rapport talk, conversation intended to deepen relationships. Men use report talk, conversation intended to communicate information.

One frequent question is, why the difference?

Now some research with 2,000 students from third to ninth grades by Amanda Rose, PhD, at the University of Missouri, and reported in the December 2011 Monitor on Psychology, helps to answer that question and reveals that this difference between sexes starts early.

"Across all (four) studies, boys talked to friends about problems less than girls. Girls were more likely to say they expected that talking about problems would make them feel less alone and more cared for, while boys were more likely to say it would make them feel like they were wasting time or make them feel 'weird'."

Why don't boys/men self-disclose more? It is simply a waste of time.

There is nothing like good old report talk to keep from wasting time! Make the call, share the necessary information, hang up, get on with things. And, if their pants make their rear look big, they don't really want to know that.
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8 comments:

  1. I can see this so much in my house. I have a son and a daughter. My son only talks when he is hungry or wants something. If I ask him how his day went his answer usually is ok, and if I ask what happened he says, "I don't know!" Now my daughter on the other hand will tell me details as to what a teacher was wearing. Same goes for my hubby. The sum of how his day went is, "OK!" A friend of mine suggested that women think like spaggetti and men think like waffles, one box at a time..

    Brandy Hoyt
    MWF 11:10 AM
    General Psychology

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  2. We are always taught that males are supposed to keep our problems to ourselves so we don't show weakness. Men are supposed to be strong and not let anything phase us, but I think this is the very reason men have a shorter life expectancy than women. Our problems are toxic if they are kept in and not letting anyone in on what is happening in our lives alienates people which only worsens the problem. It is not cool to cry in front of anyone, but I think refraining emotions only shows more weakness. A man secure with who he is will allow himself to be transparent while understanding that something shouldn't be disclosed. I think it is a sad narrative of how men should handle themselves. I hope that I teach my 3 boys differently.

    Jeremy Hayes
    Personality Psychology
    MWF 10:10 AM

    ReplyDelete

  3. I believe that the reasons for these types of actions are based in the gender roles assigned to both sexes from a young age. Males are raised to be able to perform actions alone and independently. Females are taught to seek support and comfort when they are under stress. There may even be a genetic causality for this type of behavior. Males throughout human history have been the hunter/gatherer and the females have always been the homemakers/nurturers. It was hard for a male to seek solace when in the wild hunting for food and it takes all of his concentration to perform that action. It was easy for a female to seek that comforting response as her life was not on the line during her performance of her role in society.
    For the record, if women do not want us saying they have a big butt, then maybe they should not ask the question or find a guy who is willing to lie to her...just saying.

    William Davis
    Intro to Social Psychology
    MWF 9:10AM

    ReplyDelete

  4. I definitely see this trend in my home. Conversation after picking my little boy up from school:
    Me - "How was your day?"
    Simon - "Good."
    Me - Glad you had a good day! What happened today?
    Simon - "I went to school."

    More information is only gathered via very pointed and detailed questions that cannot be answered with a yes or no. I was raised by a single Dad from the age of 11 with no contact from my mother and I had twin brothers 18 months younger than me, so I think I have a lot of those same characteristics and find "chit chat" and nonsense conversations hard to maintain and often times slightly annoying. Also, if someone has to ask if their pants make their rear look big, odds are.. the answer is yes.

    Sarah Girty
    Social Psych - 9:10-10:00

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  5. I love this one! Mainly because everyone can find the truth in this. Women over analyze and men just don't care. I find it amusing when i think of my teenage son and daughter and apply this study to them. Just think how many marriages would be saved if women "wasted" less time and men "wasted" more.

    Shawna Carrier
    MWF 12:10
    General Psychology

    ReplyDelete

  6. I just believe that males and females are portrayed as different like what they are now as sexes. In addition, factors around the environment affect such mentality, for example social inputs from society such as gender roles and stereotyping. Also, there could be genetic manifestations that could affect this behavior due to the truth that men and women are different.

    Kelvin Duke Gomez
    MWF 11:10
    Gen. Psych

    ReplyDelete

  7. i think that this is so true. because girls are more subconcious then boys so they tend to want to know what they look like to someone else. so thats why they ask that question.

    Skye Norwood
    MWF 12:10
    Gen. psych

    ReplyDelete

  8. This is so true but I beliive it can be conditioned into a man to share. For example my step-dad has five sisters no brothers. He also has three daugters and no sons. In so conversations he sticks to report talk because thats what other men do, but I have seen him share more than most men in certain situations possible because his nurture experiences play higher at times than natures genetics.

    Patricia Gilliland
    MWF 10:10
    Personality Pyschology

    ReplyDelete

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