Garrison Keillor shows keen insight into human nature, at least among the faux citizens of his fictious Lake Wobegon, "my hometown out on the edge of the prairie". My commute time is occupied by listening to and laughing at his weekly Prairie Home Companion broadcast on National Public Radio, via mp3 files downloaded from Audible.com.
One episode I listened to this week included a snippet about a Lake Wobegon citizen who went "berserk". Garrison's observation was that people who go berserk are often mild-mannered people who never seem to get upset at people. Why do they go beserk? Because they never get upset about anything.
Well, he's half-right.
On the one hand, going through life as a doormat is not healthy. Being aggressive is not healthy. Healthy is learning how to be assertive. You have as much right to your opinions, thoughts and feelings, and to express them, as anyone else does. This is so important to mental health and relationships that I teach a course on it.
On the other hand, catharsis never works. What we used to think was "releasing" pent-up negative emotions in a controlled environment (i.e., therapy), defusing them, turned out to actually be "rehearsing" their unhealthy expression. The advice, "Just let it all out!" is bad advice.
Acting aggressively results in more aggressive behavior. It escalates, not defuses.
The difference between unhealthy/unhelpful aggression and healthy/helpful assertion?
Sorry, you'll just have to take my class to find out.
February 6, 2010
February 2, 2010
Seen Through Someone Else's Eyes
I showed a video to a couple of my classes yesterday that upset one of my good students.
It was a video demonstrating the amazing plasticity of the human brain (it's ability to adapt and change). It told the story of a little 3-year-old girl that had so many seizures on the left side of her body that they had to do a hemispherectomy, remove the entire right hemisphere of her brain. She is now a teenager and I blogged about her several months ago ("I have to tell the boys I only have 1/2 a brain").
While we were watching the video of the seizures that violently jerked the toddler's body I noticed that one of my female students was crying. After class I talked with her to make sure she was okay.
She explained that she has had seizures all of her life that are now controlled by medication, but she had never actually seen a seizure in another little girl before. It forced a flood of emotions to the surface that she had never experienced before. She had always been able to talk about her seizures without difficulty.
What was different this time?
Those who suffer from seizures report that there is a disconnect of their body from their awareness so they don't actually "experience" the seizure. They just return to awareness after it is over.
A form of "projection" took place during the video. My student projected herself onto the little girl. She was seeing herself having the seizure, and experienced something she had never experienced before - herself having a seizure.
I would suspect that her own seizures have become "real" to her in a way they never were before. That is not a bad thing.
It was a video demonstrating the amazing plasticity of the human brain (it's ability to adapt and change). It told the story of a little 3-year-old girl that had so many seizures on the left side of her body that they had to do a hemispherectomy, remove the entire right hemisphere of her brain. She is now a teenager and I blogged about her several months ago ("I have to tell the boys I only have 1/2 a brain").
While we were watching the video of the seizures that violently jerked the toddler's body I noticed that one of my female students was crying. After class I talked with her to make sure she was okay.
She explained that she has had seizures all of her life that are now controlled by medication, but she had never actually seen a seizure in another little girl before. It forced a flood of emotions to the surface that she had never experienced before. She had always been able to talk about her seizures without difficulty.
What was different this time?
Those who suffer from seizures report that there is a disconnect of their body from their awareness so they don't actually "experience" the seizure. They just return to awareness after it is over.
A form of "projection" took place during the video. My student projected herself onto the little girl. She was seeing herself having the seizure, and experienced something she had never experienced before - herself having a seizure.
I would suspect that her own seizures have become "real" to her in a way they never were before. That is not a bad thing.
January 31, 2010
Dr. G, I Wasn't In Class Because...
One of my students just emailed me to tell me she would not be in class tomorrow. Her father died last week and his funeral is tomorrow. Should I accept her excuse? Of course! My class should be the last of her concerns at a time like that.
This post is not about her and her excuse, it is about what makes people accept or not accept excuses. Social psychologists have studied the dynamics of excuses and have identified three dimensions involved in excuses.
Is the reason Internal or External?
Is the reason Temporary or Permanent?
Is the reason Controllable or Uncontrollable?
Reasons that are excusable are External, Temporary, and Uncontrollable.
Reasons that are unexcusable are Internal, Permanent, and Controllable.
Analyze the above student's reason for missing class. It is External (something happened in her life), Temporary (it is not repeated), and Uncontrollable (there is nothing she could have done about it).
Internal means the excuse is focused on the excuse-giver ("I overslept").
Permanent is the behavior is repeated ("I always forget to set my alarm").
Controllable means they could have done something about it.
Will I accept the "Sorry, I overslept" excuse?
No. Why? Internal, Permanent, Controllable. (Well, maybe I'll accept it once.)
How about, "Sorry I was late. I have History right before this across campus and the professor didn't let us out on time."
Yes. External, Temporary, Uncontrollable.
POP QUIZ: Did I let the following student take a makeup test? -- "I missed the test because I decided to take a personal day."
Shake your head "NO!"
This post is not about her and her excuse, it is about what makes people accept or not accept excuses. Social psychologists have studied the dynamics of excuses and have identified three dimensions involved in excuses.
Is the reason Internal or External?
Is the reason Temporary or Permanent?
Is the reason Controllable or Uncontrollable?
Reasons that are excusable are External, Temporary, and Uncontrollable.
Reasons that are unexcusable are Internal, Permanent, and Controllable.
Analyze the above student's reason for missing class. It is External (something happened in her life), Temporary (it is not repeated), and Uncontrollable (there is nothing she could have done about it).
Internal means the excuse is focused on the excuse-giver ("I overslept").
Permanent is the behavior is repeated ("I always forget to set my alarm").
Controllable means they could have done something about it.
Will I accept the "Sorry, I overslept" excuse?
No. Why? Internal, Permanent, Controllable. (Well, maybe I'll accept it once.)
How about, "Sorry I was late. I have History right before this across campus and the professor didn't let us out on time."
Yes. External, Temporary, Uncontrollable.
POP QUIZ: Did I let the following student take a makeup test? -- "I missed the test because I decided to take a personal day."
Shake your head "NO!"
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