Stop Me If I've Told You This One Before

Some people remember things they have been told much better than they remember what they have told other people. "Have I already blogged on this?"

The reason for this is two kinds of memory: "source memory" and "destination memory." Being better at one than the other seems to be the result of what we are focusing on when we are told or when we tell.

According to Nigel Gopie and Colin MacLeod's recent article, Destination Memory: Stop Me if I've Told YouThis Before, in the journal, Psychological Science, "we're poor at remembering to whom we said what because of the self-focus associated with disclosing information, rather than receiving it. This self-focus ... disrupts the memory processes that would otherwise associate what was said and to whom."

I guess the best relationship would be between a person who has poor Destination Memory and one who has poor Source Memory. One can't remember if they have already told the story, and the other can't remember if they have already heard it.

Maybe even better would be a friendship between people for whom the friendship is more important than how many times they tell the same stories.

Want to get better at remembering to whom you have told what? Gopie & MacLeod's research suggests how: "try focusing less on yourself and more on your listener the next time you share an anecdote."

Actually, that's pretty good advice for approaching life itself: focus less on self and more on others.