I'm Glad Babies Often Sit in Front of Me in Church

She was facing backward, on the shoulder of her proud grandmother, looking at me from the pew ahead of me in church this morning. She was between 1-month and 4-months old.

POP QUIZ: How do I know her age?
#1 - She smiled at some things that happened during church, like when certain songs started.
#2 - She did NOT smile in response to my smiling at her.

"Reflex Smiling" begins at about 1-month of age. Smiling and laughing at something an infant finds pleasing or funny is an automatic, universal reflex (even in blind people who have never seen a smile). It often occurs first while the infant is sleeping.

"Social Smiling" begins at about 4-months of age. It is the conditioned response of smiling in response to someone smiling at you. They now recognize a smile and smile back.

She was also dreaming during the last song this morning. How do I know? She was asleep in the arms of her grams (who did not stand for the song) and her eyes were moving rapidly behind her eyelips. In other words, she was in REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, in which we dream.

Infants sitting in front of me in church easily keep me entertained but, yes, I did listen to the sermon this morning. It was on, um; it was on, uh; it was on...

You Didn't Take Naps as a Kid Did You?

How would you like to do research with toddlers who had not had their naps? That is what Colorado University Boulder Assistant Professor Monique LeBourgeois did.

According to an article on CU-Boulder's website, to be published in the Journal of Sleep Research, toddlers who missed even just one nap "had a 34 percent decrease in positive emotional responses... (and) showed a 31 percent increase in negative emotional responses." Children who DID have a nap showed "a 39 percent decrease in the expression of 'confusion' (when attempting to solve an unsolvable puzzle)."

"Less positive, more negative and decreased cognitive engagement when facing challenges." Sounds like some adults (and college students) I know. They must not have taken naps as toddlers.

In fact, LeBourgeois said that her research suggests, "Lack of sleep (as toddlers) disrupts their ability to build skills for managing emotions... That puts them at risk for lifelong mood-related problems such as anxiety and depression."

So, looking for another reason to blame your mother for your current inability to cope with life's challenges? "Mom didn't make me take naps as a kid and I still have negativity, anxiety and depression." Even if it is "her fault" you are the way you are it is your fault if you stay that way. Learn now the skills you should have learned as a toddler.

When Does 1 Equal 810?

When the 1 is the IQ difference between you and your sibling.

According to research by the American Enterprise Institute, "By age 35, every IQ point you're lording over your sibling earns you $810 more each year."

"Na na na na naa na. Not only am I smarter than you, but I am also going to make more money than you!"

Really? Do you really want to rub it in? It may come back to haunt you when your sibling gets dates and you can't.

Start Exercising, Stop Depressing

Feeling depressed? Exercising will help elevate your mood.

I know, I know. When you are depressed you don't FEEL like exercising. Rule-of-thumb: the things you don't feel like doing when you are depressed are probably the very things you need to start doing, to help pull you out of your depression.

According to Michael Otto, PhD, at Boston University, "The link between exercise and mood is pretty strong. Usually within five minutes after moderate exercise you get a mood-enhancement effect... active people are less depressed than inactive people." (Monitor on Psychology, December 2011)

Why? We suspect that there are both physical and cognitive reasons.

Exercise increases serotonin (a neurotransmitter that elevates mood), fights neurotropia (by supporting the growth of neurons), and helps normalize sleep. Beginning to exercise boosts a person's outlook by being a step toward meaningful activities and a sense of accomplishment.

Start slowly, add a small amount of exercise at first. As you finish each session look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Ata boy! Well done!"

You Think I Look HOW Old?

Before you ask someone how old they think you are...

Do not ask a kid. They guess that everyone is about a year older than they are.

Smile first. Those who make happy faces are consistently guessed to be younger than they really are.

Ask an older person. They tend to rate faces of all ages as equally attractive.

All of this is according to the Max Planck Institute for Human Development, as reported in a recent issue of Psychology Today.

Trying to make yourself look younger than you are? You might want to consider which is more important, being thought to be younger or being considered to be likable and honest. A University of Kansas study revealed that "When older adults look like they are trying to pass as more youthful versions of themselves, younger people see them as less likable and more deceitful."

Good thing I am not yet an "older adult".

Open to More Mushrooms?

Personality psychologists arm wrestle over which aspects of our personalities change over time, why they change, and how much they change.

According to a report in the September 28, 2011 Journal of Psychopharmacology, researchers at Johns Hopkins University have added a new dimension to the debate... an hallucinogenic one.

51 adults volunteered to have a "mystical experience" from taking psilocybin, the active ingredient in hallucinogenic mushrooms, to investigate how it changed their personality.

Step One: Take an inventory to determine their score on the Big Five Factor called Openness. (POP QUIZ: How many global personality factors are there, according to the Big Five Theory?)

Step Two: Ingest psilocybin and have a "mystical experience."

Step Three: Retake the inventory.

Step Four: Wait one year and take the inventory a third time.

The finding? Participants "tested higher on scores of openness... than they had before they took the drugs. The change was still in place at a follow-up test one year later."

Hmmm. So taking drugs can change your personality? Who would have guessed? (he says sarcastically)

Is a Fight in Your Marital Future?

It depends. Have there been fights in your marital past?

According to an article in the September 2011 issue of the Journal of Family Issues, researchers at Ohio State University studied 1,000 couples and compared the discord in their marriages in the 1980s and twenty years later.

"Those who clashed in the 1980s were still fighting 20 years later, while harmonious couples tended to stay that way."

Implications? One is for individuals still early in a relationship that is characterized by fighting: fights will probably stay a part of it. You might want to consider getting out of it rather than getting into it long-term.

In an abusive relationship? Get out. Get out immediately. Get out completely. Get help. It will not get better.

Do These Pants Make My Rear Look Big?

I often illustrate the differences between intra-sex friendships by saying, "Men don't call just to talk."

Women use rapport talk, conversation intended to deepen relationships. Men use report talk, conversation intended to communicate information.

One frequent question is, why the difference?

Now some research with 2,000 students from third to ninth grades by Amanda Rose, PhD, at the University of Missouri, and reported in the December 2011 Monitor on Psychology, helps to answer that question and reveals that this difference between sexes starts early.

"Across all (four) studies, boys talked to friends about problems less than girls. Girls were more likely to say they expected that talking about problems would make them feel less alone and more cared for, while boys were more likely to say it would make them feel like they were wasting time or make them feel 'weird'."

Why don't boys/men self-disclose more? It is simply a waste of time.

There is nothing like good old report talk to keep from wasting time! Make the call, share the necessary information, hang up, get on with things. And, if their pants make their rear look big, they don't really want to know that.

Candlelight Dinners Not For Dieters

Who studies these things, and why? In this case, Joseph Kasof is who. I am still trying to find an answer to why?

According to Personality and Individual Differences, the official journal of the International Society for the Study of Individual Differences (who knew there was such an organization?), "Dieters who eat with the lamps turned low eat more than those who dine in bright light."

Why? you ask. Kasof thinks it is because of lowered self-awareness. That fits with other research on self-awareness.

For example, children given an opportunity to take candy out of a bowl took less if there was a mirror over the bowl, in which they could see themselves taking the candy. People parking in an honor-system parking lot pay more often if there is a mirror they have to walk past by the exit near the payment box.

Okay. No candlelit, romantic dinners while I am on my diet. Sorry, honey. Turn the lights up, at least until dinner is over.

Choose Two Marshmallows, Raise Your SAT Scores

This study has been going on for 40 years. Talk about longitudinal research!

In the 1960s Walter Mischel, PhD, gave 500 4-year-olds this choice individually: they could eat the marshmallow he had given them as soon as he left the room or they could have two marshallows if they waited until he came back in 15 minutes.

It was a study in self-control and delayed gratification.

Fourteen years later the high-delay group, those children who waited so they could have two, "earned higher SAT scores and had better social-cognitive and emotional coping skills as teenagers."

When they were in their forties, "the high-delay group also had higher levels of academic achievement, lower body mass index and lower rates of drug abuse, divorce and separation."

Self-control and the ability to delay gratification basically had become a lifestyle, with benefits in school, weight control, addictions, and marriage.

So, parents, teaching your children to not eat that cookie until AFTER dinner, insisting that your teens not get on facebook until AFTER they have finished their homework, not only keeps their appetite in tact for dinner and gets homework done. In addition, the ability to delay gratification that they will learn is setting up an entire lifetime of benefits for them.

Economists are now comparing the financial management and decision-making abilities of Mischel's low- and high-delay groups. Want to make a prediction about which group has saved money for retirement and which group has spent their money?

(J. Chamerlin reported on this research in the December 2011 issue of Monitor on Psychology)